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Blackwargreymon's Desires Part 2 (WARNING: EXTREMELY GRAPHIC)

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Blackwargreymon's Desires Part 2 (WARNING: EXTREMELY GRAPHIC)
Flo-Flo Chique Offline
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#11
04-24-2011, 02:34 PM (This post was last modified: 04-24-2011, 02:36 PM by Flo-Flo Chique.)
(04-24-2011 12:20 PM)CaseyChimera Wrote: How about this. You can have Renamon try to enter the dating scene to find the perfect daddy for her child. However, when they finally find out about the child, they high tail out of there. The one that doesn't turns out to be BlackWarGreymon's brother, maybe WarGreymon or whoever you chose.

I mean, it's only a suggestion.

Hey, you got some great ideas here! I was sort of thinking that too!

(04-24-2011 10:10 AM)Psycho Backlasher Wrote: Yeah, the rape would get old. X3 Make her fall in love or something? Maybe she's become a sadist.

Hmmm...I did say she did smile when she saw Blackwargreymon suffering...omg maybe she is a sadist! But I will still make her fall in love.
Mah Citeh.
[Image: 216801_198660990172916_100000870481236_4...7313_n.jpg]
Calgary, Alberta, Canada

Blackwargreymon's Desires Part 7 is the last story of the series, regardless of what it says in the post. I will not be making anymore parts to it.
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Ninja_Kharlan Offline
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#12
04-25-2011, 04:18 AM
Though not what I'm into, it was decently more descriptive. Could still use details--especially for a murder scene such as that. Also, you may want to take a look at your dialogue and speech indicators. You were stuck on the same indicator (i.e. query) for an entire scene, which made it feel like it wasn't moving. (it's usually bad when people read the same thing unless you're trying to invoke memories)
Really though, you mostly just need to work on the dialogue itself and your descriptions.
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