Everyone else's Drabbles *sticks tongue out at Cerceus*

[Master Grim]

Name So you ARE a girl!
Characters Renamon, Rumiko (Rika's mum)
Set About a month after the D-Reaper's demise...

Renamon sat quietly in a chair with her eyes closed. The room silent except for the occational rustle as Rumiko turned the page of her book.

Rumiko glanced over at Renamon and smiled "Now I know you're a girl."

The fox opened one eye "What makes you say that?" She muttered with a slightly annoyed overtone.

"You're bleeding, dear." Rika's mother spoke sypathetically.

"Hm?" Renamon looked down and, sure enough, spotted some blood staining her crotch. She sweat-dropped "Oh, great..."



EDIT: I rewrote it.

[UnknownH]

Funny. That could/might actually happen. That's a drabble alright.

[DragonMasterX]

Yeah, it's funny when you start thinking about it. And by the way, I think it's "circeus" not "cerceus"

[That One Internet Guy]

Name: Flowers
Characters: Veemon / Gatomon
Set: Park, a short while after the defeat of MaloMytotismon


Gatomon sat grooming herself under a tree in the park. Veemon aproached her with his hand behind his back, face red.

"Uh...uhh..." Veemon stuttered.

"Yes?" Gatomon inquired.

Veemon, at a loss for words, held out his hidden hand; exposing a bouquet of flowers.

"For...for me?" Gatomon stuttered out.

After a pause, Veemon replied; "Y-yes.." he managed to choke out.

Gatomon sat up, took the flowers and sniffed at them. She placed them down, took Veemon's still outstretched hand and pulled him towards her. Slowly, gently, she placed a kiss on his cheek.

"They're beautiful, thanks," she whispered in his ear.

Veemon fainted.

[DragonMasterX]

Talking about real-life situations merged with digimon- lol, nice one Ghost!

[Nate Hunter]

I already have a drabble thread for myself, but I guess a convenient place for anybody to post drabbles is fair as well. Also, Circeus has a right to use the "Circeus's Drabbles" thread for his own drabbles without being interrupted by others. Unless this thread gets horribly derailed, I'll not do anything about it. So let's keep it on topic with authors posting their drabbles, and feedback on those drabbles.

Neither of these drabbles is particularly my style of drabble storytelling, to be fair.

PokePimp, I find yours a bit too bland, not to mention the one obvious spelling error ("occasional" has no "t" in it) and the oblique and vague anime action reference (if being used as a verb, I recommend "sweatdropped" or "sweat-dropped"; "sweat dropped" is a noun and verb, not a verb). In place of "sweat-dropped", find a more fitting word; I would recommend "Her eyes widened and dealt. . ." rather than "She sweat dropped while giving. . .", perhaps even replacing "flat stare" with "piercing stare" (although this would indicate her eyes narrowing rather than widening...). I don't want to try and dictate your wording, but "Sweat-dropped" is not an actual behaviour, and is generally not in keeping with the relatively serious tone of Tamers. A more general look at various characteristics of face faults may provide better ways to describe them than the use of slippery terminology.

Ghost_Op, while bland, there's only so much spice that 100 words can allow for. It's certainly a romantic situation and normal for a shy person, however Veemon has never struck me as such a shy person. This scene feels more like Patamon, but with the years he's known Gatomon he'd be more worried about hurting their friendship by dating than with shyness about asking her. I find the "romantically" to be a sort of airy word here thrown in for an attempt at flavor, but here's a question: Could a more accurate word be chosen here? My preference would have been for "tenderly", which is a more clear and "taste-filled" word for the situation. Other words that might fit well are "gently", "softly", or "lightly" (though the last is an airy word, it still conveys the idea more clearly than "romantically").

[Master Grim]

EDIT: Post Removed

[Nate Hunter]

I understand that there are different types of stares and that flat and piercing are not synonyms even in that context. I still feel that a piercing stare is more suitable in thtat context, as Renamon has just been accused (implicitly) of lying about Digimon having no division of gender. A flat stare to me is one more of mild indifference or perhaps slight amusement. This would probably not be appropriate to Renamon in a situtation where she's just been called a liar.

As for your happy bubble, I said this thread is fine as long as it stays on the topic of drabbles and discussion of the drabbles posted within it. And even though they aren't my style, they aren't bad drabbles. I just prefer characterization drabbles to narrative drabbles in my writing.

Had I written your drabble above, it would have probably been Renamon's POV, and told how she felt at the implicit accusation. Instead your made it a comedy narrative drabble in execution and style, while mine might have been something like:

"Renamon sat in a chair, calm and meditating, when she heard a sudden gasp. 'So you are a girl," Rumiko stated flatly." The prior would show that Ruki's mother is not taken by surprise, but already suspected it, which is my take on the whole situation.

"Renamon opened her eyes halfway, a piercing stare directed at her adversary." This sets up emotion. She's just been accused of lying, which she admittedly did in this case, and doesn't like that.

"Rumiko smiled gently. 'You're bleeding.'" A simple thing without laughing which is a perceived gloating. Let the reader decide whether or not she's gloating, the words here are too precious to waste on another character.

"She paused at those words and moved one paw to her crotch, fully aware of what the human meant. The warmth and moistness weren't unusual, but as she raised her paw to look at it, she was struck by the sight of the blood." This gives us a look at her method of checking. She's a warrior, she won't be distracted from a stare by something as trivial as looking at menstruation.

"Accused in truth, she hesistated with the words she needed to say. 'Why so I am, mother.'" This gives us another insight of how Renamon perceives Ruki's family (in my mind) and of her pride. She said something and was wrong, but that doesn't mean she wishes to admit it.

Note that my version there comes to the requisite 100 words, whereas yours falls 18 words short with a mere 82 words. By definition, a drabble is 100 words, neither more nor less. But it was still entertaining, so don't feel I'm bashing it just because it's not my style. I'm bashing it because it's a sketch more than a drabble (word requirement on drabbles). For fun, here's my version presented unbroken by commenting.

Renamon sat in a chair, calm and meditating, when she heard a sudden gasp. 'So you are a girl," Rumiko stated flatly. Renamon opened her eyes halfway, a piercing stare directed at her adversary.

Rumiko smiled gently. 'You're bleeding.'

She paused at those words and moved one paw to her crotch, fully aware of what the human meant. The warmth and moistness weren't unusual, but as she raised her paw to look at it, she was struck by the sight of the blood.

Accused in truth, she hesistated with the words she needed to say. "Why so I am, mother."

[Master Grim]

EDIT: Post removed.

[Nate Hunter]

*sigh* How can I argue...? *sits in a corner, hugging my knees* Leave me alone...

I've only gotten where I am today from years of practice and constructive criticism. I used to be a horrible writier, up until about 8 years ago in high school when I decided to actually dedicate myself to writing. And then I was a poor writer, a bad writer, a mediocre writer, a decent writer, and I hope to keep moving on past being a fairly good author to being someone who can make money off of his writing. And to this end I have spent 8 years practicing, and may spend 8 more trying to discipline myself enough to finish a long story.

I offer my comments not because you suck, but because you have the potential to be better. If you like to write, then you are a writer and I only want to help you improve. Don't let my comments on wording and rules get you down -- learn from them and make something better, to show us all the potential that you have.