Everyone else's Drabbles *sticks tongue out at Cerceus*

[DragonMasterX]

Yeah! Nate's right- nothing will come out fine if you let critic turn you down, it is there to help you become better as he said. Learn from your mistakes and always improve your weaknesses, that's why I started reading more and watching better characterisations after August's AOTM lol.

[Herr Mullen]

*sigh* How can I argue...? *sits in a corner, hugging my knees* Leave me alone...

I offer my comments not because you suck, but because you have the potential to be better. If you like to write, then you are a writer and I only want to help you improve. Don't let my comments on wording and rules get you down -- learn from them and make something better, to show us all the potential that you have.

I know that's what I said when I reveiwed you.

[blueeyedgabulvo0o]

Name: Poetic Perfection
Characters: Human-Matt
~~~~~~~ Digimon- Gabumon
Setting: There back at the spot where the first arrived in season one with the lake where gabumon first heard Matt's harmonica playing...
Content: PG
Word count: 100(99 if you count "soul-lit" as one word.)


Poetic Perfection:

Masses of soul-lit stars guided one's eyes around the breathtaking Van Gogh view, the tranquility of the Werewolf's muse, swirling with serenity the calming waves meeting the symphonic repition of a heartbeat. The salty, transparent, bliss rejuvenating the mind as it soothes the senses, barely breathes moisture onto their feet.

Gabumon's chest began to rise in harmony with each wave, he glances to the right and sees Matt enjoying the poetic night. Slightly blushing and in a soothing tone. "Matt, this night is special."

Matt turned towards him, wrapping one arm around him, smiled warmly whispering, "Now its perfect."...

(gulps) my first attempt.....

[Master Grim]

:? I know critism is to help me improve myself but... *sigh* I'll admit that I spent all of thirty seconds writing that little snippit. I'll get to work to improve it.

EDIT: Improved.

[Master Grim]

Name - I...
Characters - Takato, Guilmon, Renamon
Set - A few months after the D-Reaper's... unfortunate... demise.

Takato stood with his back against the park tree "Just tell her!"

"But I can't!" Guilmon whined "I'll go all wierd again!"

"Look..." The human pointed at the fox morph that had just phased in some distance away "Now or never."

"Oh... Okay..." The red dino walked uncertainly towards Renamon.

She glanced up at him "Yes? What is it?"

"I... I... uhm..." He just stuttered dumbly.

"You what?"

"I... I really like you, Renamon!" He lowered his head, expecting to be rejected.

"Really?" She blinked.

Guilmon then backed away a few steps "I-I won't mind if you don't like me... uh... I'll... be going now..." He found any further retreat blocked by a furry arm.

"Tell me more." Renamon smiled with amusement as she put an arm around his shoulder.

Takato laughed to himself. Now that... was unexpected!

[senjuro]

"Matt, this night is special."

Matt turned towards him, wrapping one arm around him, smiled warmly whispering, "Now its perfect."...

Awww, the cuteness!

[Nate Hunter]

Name: Poetic Perfection
...
Word count: 100(99 if you count "soul-lit" as one word.)

I do. Hyphenated words are a single word, whether the hyphen is present to provide a line-break or to combine the words. I think I can let 1 word shy or over slide better than 18 though...

Masses of soul-lit stars guided one's eyes around the breathtaking Van Gogh view, the tranquility of the Werewolf's muse, swirling with serenity the calming waves meeting the symphonic repition of a heartbeat. The salty, transparent, bliss rejuvenating the mind as it soothes the senses, barely breathes moisture onto their feet.

Gabumon's chest began to rise in harmony with each wave, he glances to the right and sees Matt enjoying the poetic night. Slightly blushing and in a soothing tone. "Matt, this night is special."

Matt turned towards him, wrapping one arm around him, smiled warmly whispering, "Now its perfect."...

How are stars guiding one's view unless one is looking to the sky? If one looks towards the sky, how is one aware of the transparency of the water?

This drabble seems to me to be overly filled with adjectives hoping to lure the reader into a deeper emotional connection when the words present are particularly vague.

Also, you used the wrong "its" -- in this contest the wording (uncontracted) is "Now, it is perfect." Contracted it should thus be: "Now, it's perfect."

I don't complain ont he story, but the expression is alost too poetic for a drabble. A drabble is intended as a "100 word novel", but yours seems too focused on the scene. The location is secondary to the characters in a drabble, because if half of the content is the stage, you may as well write a half-drabble (self explanatory, 50 words) for the characters.

(gulps) my first attempt.....

Go forth and improve thyself, apprentice! Set thyself upon a quest for great words of clarity and precision, but never neglect the simple and basic when those words are sufficient to the job at hand. We need not "crimson" nor "scarlet" when "red" fills the job.

This feedback given at 1:30 AM, I'm fairly wiped right now and about to crash for the night. This feedback given by personal request from the author, as well. Don't mind my extravagance, I'm tired and being plain in tiredness is not my style. I'm plain in wakefulness, grant me my quirks when I get tired.

[blueeyedgabulvo0o]

I do. Hyphenated words are a single word, whether the hyphen is present to provide a line-break or to combine the words. I think I can let 1 word shy or over slide better than 18 though..

hmmm....shite, your right but still I'll improve on using one hundred words exactly. Its nice that you would let me slide though, thank you...

How are stars guiding one's view unless one is looking to the sky?

Have you ever seen "Stary Night" by Van Gogh? His picture brillantly subjects the eye to carry towards more to the negative space instead of the positive. Its a remarkable piece of art and if you stare at it long enough and look at it, without you knowing your eyes will just be lured into the stars and follow the mysterious path around the plane of the piece of art. So its supposed to bring to life the scenary cause its only a hundred words so it was in attempt to romantically and poetically build the scenary. It's an attempt as well to bring you down to that same beach as the two and really feel the moment of the "Poetic Motion" that your eyes are feasting upon...

f one looks towards the sky, how is one aware of the transparency of the water?

Well good point, but on this particular night wouldnt you try to capture and immerse yourself with the beauty around you? Its a pleasure to the senses and a memory that deserves to be kept perfect forever. Also a bad line to use in such a short written drabble but point well taken.

This drabble seems to me to be overly filled with adjectives hoping to lure the reader into a deeper emotional connection when the words present are particularly vague.

Well I would disagree on that point, the whole point of this drabble I mean its to get your meaning or your goal for the piece in a minimum of several words that have to be selected properly in order to create a marvel in such notice. Its like a Haiku, brief and very short, but can convey (sometimes and not always) many different meanings to the individual. Remind you I wrote that extremely early in the morning and not that awake but that is no excuse. I should have either kept it very descriptive, plain, or simple and not anything in between. I will work on that thank you...

Also, you used the wrong "its" -- in this contest the wording (uncontracted) is "Now, it is perfect." Contracted it should thus be: "Now, it's perfect."

Silly me, How could I have not seen that? Thank you for pointing that obvious mistake, missed it when in fatigue but another well and accredited point.

I don't complain on the story, but the expression is almost too poetic for a drabble. A drabble is intended as a "100 word novel", but yours seems too focused on the scene. The location is secondary to the characters in a drabble, because if half of the content is the stage, you may as well write a half-drabble (self explanatory, 50 words) for the characters.

Hm, I really didn't know that a drabble could be like that, I thought it can be about anything regardless if it be only scenary or character or a combination of the two. The point of mine was to clearly illustrate the poetry in the way things can look when with a close friend, like Gabumon is to Matt. The whole thing it being the scenary was the point of it, the title rather tells the reader to be amazed by the power of word and content as to see the poetry in the setting, location, and the imprinted memory. It won't be in all my work such vast imagery but still I liked writing this and it was a very well written drabble, always room for improvement though.....

Go forth and improve thyself, apprentice! Set thyself upon a quest for great words of clarity and precision, but never neglect the simple and basic when those words are sufficient to the job at hand.

O_O I am an apprentice to Nate, wow, I am honored to have such a privelage. Yes and I will continue on this path even if we disagree, it will be an interesting one to have the privelage of walking on. Other than that, I hope you enjoyed reading it and I hope to write more....Thank you for critiquing it and I value your imput greatly, cause your wording is so precise and amazing. You are one of the wordsmiths if I ever did see one. Thank you once again and I hope to see you once again Nate, it was nice to see you cared.... ^^

"The key to writing is unlocking the door to humility..."

thanks again.....